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Smoking Goat, Shoreditch

by Krista

There must be something wrong with me. I read all these restaurant reviews online and no one ever seems to have the experiences I do. Where the service is off, or where staff members say weird things to me or spray noxious cleaning fluids in my direction. (!!!) What is it??? Do I talk to the staff to the much? Do I eat at the bar too much? Or are the rest of you just too kind? (Which I am guilty of as well, as you’ll see.) I don’t understand it really.

I like the original Smoking Goat on Denmark Street quite a lot so was excited to hear about the new one on the corner of Shoreditch High Street and Redchurch Street.

You know, where the titty (tittie?) bar used to be.

It’s almost unrecognizable now. (Not that I had been before!) I kinda knew going it that lunch for one was going to be tough here (SHARING PLATES) but I was up for the challenge. I had skipped breakfast specifically so I could order either the drunken noodles or the massaman goat. My friendly server warned that the drunken noodles would be almost too large, but the goat was possibly manageable.

“And I can take the rest home,” I said. “Yes, you can. But not the rice.”

Jesus Christ, I thought to myself. If there a London rice conspiracy going on? No one in London wants me to have rice. My server then went on to explain that the chances of getting food poisoning from reheated rice were EXTREMELY HIGH. I researched this with the NHS and she is extremely correct.

How many times, Krista?? How many times have I reheated the rice? I cannot believe I have made it this far in life, given how much reheated rice I’ve eaten. Never again!

I ordered the goat anyhow and tucked it — tender, flavorful, peanuty. If anything, it could have been more peanuty because there’s never enough peanut in my world. (SO American!) Also, do you know what’s underappreciated? A massaman POTATO. So delicious. Everything was right with everything and I was supremely content and happy UNTIL…

One of the servers got out the spray bottle of cleaning fluid and decided to aggressively spray down the counter in front of me while I was eating. For the love of God. I was about half-way done at this point and as misty sprtizes of cleaning spray settled all around, I considered my Massaman Ammonia Goat Curry and debated what to do.

Do I say something? Do I say something? Do I keep eating the goat? How much cleaning fluid was there anyhow? Would I die? (I mean, if reheated rice can kill me, so can cleaning products in my food.) Surely, they must know that they shouldn’t spray down the counters with cleaning fluid in front of people eating?? (Look at all these other people complaining about this on the internet here and here and here.)

Although sometimes I fight for myself, sometimes, my friends, I’m just so tired. I ate a bit more (!), finished my drink and got my bill.

Oh, and I forgot to mention the Aesop thing. So while I was sitting there debating my Massaman Ammonia Goat, one staff member walked up to another staff member and handed them a bottle of Aesop hand soap. The receiver of the soap shook the bottle up and down and accepted it with a smile. I thought…”Aesop! Classy! But that’s weird. Resurrection is hard to shake.” (I spent an hour in the Aesop in Soho earlier this summer with my friend Laura . We tried everything, and much money was spent.)

Before I left Smoking Goat, I went to the loo. There was a bottle of Aesop that was maybe 1/8 full of supremely watered down Resurrection.

The Verdict: Get the goat! It’s really good. But don’t eat at the bar! Also, maybe bring your own hand wash.

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