Why You Should Never Visit Koufonisia, Greece

The beaches in Koufonisia are terrible.

Things Not to Do in Koufonisia, Greece

Guys, I almost don’t want to tell you about Koufonisia, No one should go there. It’s a terrible place. Terrible. Awful. Noisy, crowded, dirty. Stay on Mykonos. It’s much better. Much.

Crowded beach on Koufonisia

But if you have to go to Koufonisia, I guess you could go to the beach. Careful though. They are very busy. And very crowded. Very crowded.

There is only one taxi on Koufonisia so bicycle will be your main mode of transportation.

Don’t Rent a Bicycle on Koufonisia

There’s only one taxi on Koufonisia so bicycle is your only option for getting around. Definitely don’t rent a bicycle from the bike shop at the port. Because when you only have 50 euros to pay for the bike that cost 7 euros to rent, the store proprietor will just give you the bike and tell you to come back when you have smaller bills. And when you say, “Wow, you really trust me?” He will look at you and laugh and say “This is a small island. It will not be hard to find you if you don’t pay.”

Don’t Eat at Neo Remezzo

Don’t go to dinner at the local fish place, Neo Remezzo. When they try to sell you on the fish of the day listed at the ominous “MP,” balk but then let them take you back to the kitchen and put the fish practically in your hands and then weigh it for you and tell you “10 euros. With chips. And tomatoes. Do not worry.” Later, don’t let them bring you complimentary mastiha, the sappy-tasting after-dinner digestif in the Cyclades.

Don’t eat at Mikres Cyclades

Don’t Eat at Mikres Cyclades

Another night, after doing a loop of the Chora and its two cash machines that only spit out 50s that no one on the island can change, don’t go to the new restaurant in town, Mikres Cyclades, and have the lamb shank that falls off the bone. And certainly don’t tell them how delicious everything is because they will practically beg you to share your review on TripAdvisor, And when you do, watch when they respond IMMEDIATELY and thank you profusely for your kind words.

Don’t Drink at Koufochorio

After dinner, don’t go to the local cocktail bar, Koufochorio. Your cocktail will be three times the size of a cocktail in London and the same price.

Don’t Hike to the Beaches

Once you give up on the bicycle (you are not as fit as you imagined you were), don’t walk to the beaches and hike over sand dunes. You’ll encounter a naturist in hiking boots on a rock and then you’ll swim in the warmest and clearest water you’ve ever experienced outside the Bahamas.

You’ll have so little to do in Koufonisia that you will finish not one but three books. In three days. I mean, who likes reading books?

Don’t Stay at The Koufonisia Hotel

If you’re looking for a place to stay, don’t stay at the Koufonisia Hotel, a short walk from the port, where when you are tired of the terrible beaches, you can relax poolside. The pool is terrible. Awful. Boring. Thank goodness for those books you brought.

Also, don’t ask the omelet guy to make you an omelet at breakfast. It will be the softest and fluffiest omelet you’ve ever had in your entirely life.

Don’t Go to Koufonisa

And then it will be time to leave. And you will be very very sad. Because Koufonisia is a terrible terrible place. Awful. No one should ever go there. Ever. 🙂

How to Get to Koufonisia

If you really, really have to go to Koufonisia, you can take the ferry from Paros to Koufonisia. It takes about an hour. Buy your tickets here.

When to Visit Koufonisia

Again if you really really must go to Koufonisia, I can heartily recommend an early June visit if you want the entire island to yourself. I imagine July and August are a bit more crowded and given that there is not a lot of accommodation on this small island, there may not be many places to stay.

What to Bring with You to Koufonisia

I have three main recommendations:

A nice hat. The sun is super intense.
A Turkish towel. These are super lightweight and easy to carry around the island with you. Your hotel should hopefully have beach towels but you can use one of these as a beach blanket or subsitute beach towel.
A waterproof phone case on a lanyard so you can keep your phone and money safe and also protect everything from water damage.