I booked myself a package holiday to Cancun the other week. Part of me wants to laugh at myself about this. But first let me tell you the situation: I spend enough time in South Florida as it is (family ties), so I’m kinda over Miami and Fort Lauderdale. And for a beachy weekend getaway from Chicago, there are really only two tropical places you can easily get to on United Airlines, my airline of choice because of my miles. (Haters, don’t be hating.) The two places you can get to easily via a direct flight from Chicago most days of the week are Cancun, Mexico and San Juan, Puerto Rico. I do really like San Juan — especially the old Colonial part — but I like shrimp tacos better. (Although shrimp tacos are technically more a west coast of Mexico thing.) So Cancun it was. (I also toyed with Panama but it’s a longer flight. Some other time, perhaps.)

Anyhow, because it’s August in Mexico, you can get some pretty good deals. (British friends, take note. Because all the currencies are still in your favor.) So I ended up flying business class to Cancun and staying on the Club floor at The Ritz with food and booze all included — as long as I wasn’t expecting filet mignon or anything — for what I personally considered to be a decent deal. (Not a steal. A deal.) Other things for me to consider: I was by myself and I didn’t want to feel like I was interloping on anyone’s honeymoon — always a risk in a lot of Cancun hotels. So my options were fairly limited: the Westin, the JW Marriott, or The Ritz.

The Ritz it was it. And let me tell you…this place is OLD SKOOL. Pink marble everywhere, oil paintings, woodwork, brass. WOW. It all felt pretty weird and out of place in this very beachy, touristy town.

But…the beach out back was pretty fantastic. Really an awesome beach. I spent a lot of time in the water. I miss salt water.

And the SERVICE. The service was fantastic. Any time I turned around with the slightest thought of “Maybe I should…” someone was there to get me a drink or offer me a menu or bring me a cool towel.  When I left, one of the staff members HUGGED ME and in a nice way and not a creepy way.

The shrimp tacos poolside were awesome, if expensive.

And the Argentinian sparkling Chardonnay Malbec in the lounge was interesting and different and, well, it helped to pass the time as I read book after book after book and tried to figure life out. (Still working on that.)

Ohh…and there were BABY TURTLES waiting to be hatched! Everywhere! July – September is turtle season in Cancun.

The Ritz Carlton Cancun is about to undergo some major renovations, so I would stay away from here in the near-term. But come November or December, if you’re looking for a nice place to relax with classy service, this is a good choice. You could do worse. (Note that it’s not technically all-inclusive. But if you go for the Club Floor, you can definitely make three meals a day out of things.)

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I decided kinda last minute to go to Cancun for the weekend last weekend. I was miserably pale and — although I’m not a beach person — I really just wanted to be by the water. Being a Starwood member, I could have gone to the Westin for free with all my points, but I was sucked in by this idea of an all-inclusive resort and the #1 place on TripAdvisor. So I booked Le Blanc in CANCUN of all places. (Cancun being terribly touristy.) Sadly, there are only two places in the Caribbean you can get to via a direct commercial flight from Chicago in August — Cancun and Puerto Rico. (There are plenty of charter flights from Chicago, but I’ve heard too many horror stories.)

My initial 24 hours at Le Blanc were like a comedy of errors. Firstly, everyone on TripAdvisor talks about the Le Blanc Cadillac Escalade that picks you up at the airport. I just assumed this is what I had, but ended up in one of those terrible airport vans that drops people off at umpteen different hotels before you get to yours. For the record…I don’t do airport vans.

Upon arrival at the hotel, a member of staff greeted me with a cool glass of coconut milk…a very nice touch. Only problem? He had two. And wanted to know where my husband was. Then, upon check-in, the woman at the desk couldn’t tell if I had paid or not. At one point, she handed me a receipt that said twice the amount that I owed. Umm…I think there’s been a mistake. So she had to undo everything and we basically agreed I would pay any balance when I left because she wasn’t sure if they had already charged my card or not. This shouldn’t happen at what’s supposed to be a five star resort.

Then, they take me to my room. There’s a letter waiting for me. Only problem? I’m not Mr. Amato or whoever the letter was for. My butler was perplexed. “You are not Mrs. Amato?” No, really I’m not.

I sit on the oddly short King Size bed and exhale. Trying to relax.

I order room service. Gazpacho and ceviche. A gentleman arrives with my tray. He wants to know where my husband is. My fiance? No friends with me? No one? Really?

Yes, I took myself on vacation. For 2.5 days.

The view from my room was of the lagoon and front pool. And the parking lot and major thoroughfare. At night, I drifted off to sleep to the sound of tourist buses traversing Cancun. When I wasn’t listening to the people on both sides of me knocking boots, that is. (And the wall. It’s the headboard knocking against the wall that drives me insane.)

And sadly for this here Web site, around 6 pm each evening, the complimentary wifi would drag to a complete stop as people returned to their iPads to download movies for the evening. (The resort has in-room DVD players, but didn’t seem to have the ability to rent movies directly from the television.) My dreams of catching up on writing umpteen blog posts? Foiled.

Did I mention this all cost me $575 a night? Sigh.

Things started looking up on Day 2. The pool on the Caribbean was truly lovely. And the service was much better than the pool out front, where I was ignored for an entire hour before finally giving up and going inside. (Note that Le Blanc was pretty empty…August in the Caribbean. So being ignored was pretty painful, considering they had only two other people to wait on out front besides for me.)

The spa helped the resort redeem itself. This is where Le Blanc truly shines. The sauna, steam room, and baths are very well-done. And the 80 minute massage I had was awesome. (And $150 of the $180 cost was included in the price of my stay. Le Blanc gives you resort credits to spend, depending on the length of your booking.)

The gym was also pretty fantastic. Although I think I was one of only three people who used it while I was there. I’m the only person I know who goes on vacation to have time for exercise, apparently.

The breakfast buffet was also good. No one could complain about the selection or availability of any of their favorite foods. That being said, the room service menu had an odd lack of Mexican items on it. To the point where on my second evening, I had to call down and ask them to bring me something — anything — Mexican because I couldn’t find anything on the menu. The chicken tacos they sent up were awesome. Perhaps one of the best things I’ve eaten all year.

I’m writing this as my stay at Le Blanc comes to a close. They haven’t replaced my towels during my stay, despite the fact I left them balled up in a wet knot on the floor on both Saturday and Sunday. And this morning, my butler told me he’d come find me at breakfast to confirm my ride back to the airport. He’s a nice man, but it was an hour and forty-five minutes later when he found me at the pool because I gave up waiting at breakfast after about 40 minutes. He wanted me to get out of the pool to sign my receipt. Call me truculent, but I told him he could find me later. I was too busy relaxing. Sigh.

Vacations shouldn’t be this hard.

The Verdict: Meh. I had a better time and was more well-cared for at the Four Seasons…in DAMASCUS. Yes, Syria.

Book a Cancun Tour

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So I will not bore you with individual write-ups of all the different restaurants I ate in Cancun. I’m going to do a quick round-up of my Cancun dining experiences and overall restaurant recommendations.

Before I departed, I did a lot of research on what blogs and boards were saying about Cancun restaurants. Howard reminded me that I should have checked the OA boards for the real deal given that in hindsight, I found very few Cancun restaurant recommendations online and the restaurant recommendations that I did find didn’t pan out all that well.

First night: Puerto Madero. Everyone on the Intertubes swears by this Argentinian steakhouse in Cancun. I liked the deck area outside. I liked the puffy potato chip “souffles.” But I thought the rest of the food was just grilled meat and veggies with not a whole lot of taste. (I did also like my mashed potatoes.) I feel very snobbish as I say this, but I think people who don’t dine out a lot would like it here. Oh, and I thought the service here was rushed, distracted, and a bit rude about the tip we left. (15%, exactly.)

Second Night: Hacienda El Mortero, as recommended by our hotel concierge. Really nice service. Huge-ass margaritas. Great mariachi band. I thought the food was trying too hard. My dish involved fire, a huge-ass slice of pineapple that I couldn’t have possibly ever eaten with a knife and fork, and jumbo shrimp splayed open on skewers. I did really like the refried beans, however. We actually ate here twice during our visit. The second visit involved WAY too much food. Four small barbecues for about 10 people. We could have done with 2 to 3 bbqss. VERY CLEAN LOOS.

Poloma Bonita: Smelled like dirty mop. And then I saw why. They really need to get new mops. I saw the mops sitting behind the bar and it was gross. Service insisted on dancing with me (mariachi band), which I wasn’t too thrilled about. (He had sweaty hands.) I liked the little touches here…specifically, they put two different types of butter on the table, which appeared to be wrapped in leaves of some sort. They explained both butters, but I promptly forgot. Our starters were served on a huge long plate and they did a very official job of explaining everything. My fajitas were good, despite the dirty mop. Also LOVED the Mexican coffee and the little cups it was served in.

Harry’s: Our first night in Cancun, our concierge offered this up as an option and I declined it because it was an “American steakhouse.” In hindsight, I would have gone here sooner. This place has a trendy vibe that I liked…great loos…it’s like you’re outside, but you’re not. I had a great salad to start–greens and beets and goat cheese. (I don’t normally eat beets. But it just felt right. So I did. And then I forgot about what happens when you eat a lot of beets and then, well, go #1 the next day. Talk about a scare!) My NY strip which was perfect. Loved the assortment of desserts at the end–glasses of cake! This was the best meal of the trip and a very clean and smart place. But remember I am a snob sometimes.

La Parilla: Dirty, dirty, dirty. The loos were awful. The floor was a mess. My enchiladas in mole sauce were overly mole’d. But then again, I am not Mexican so maybe they were the way they were supposed to be. But there was A LOT of sauce. The guac didn’t seem fresh to me.  And the service wouldn’t let up on me not drinking.

OK, so that’s that. I hope my Cancun restaurant recommendations will come in handy to those traveling to the Mayan Riviera in the not-so-distant future. Enjoy.

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