I like being an expert on something. I’ve decided to become an expert on THE BAHAMAS. I’ve lost track now of how many times I’ve been to this island nation of 300,000, but the first few times were to the easier parts. The parts easily accessible from Fort Lauderdale, Florida and West Palm Beach. If my memory serves correctly, the most western parts of the Bahamas are only something like 45 miles from West Palm. So now I’m trying to get out there more in the Bahamas…go east and east and east.

Last year, I went to the Abacos. The year before, it was Lucaya. This year, it was time for Exuma, a long stretch of land surrounded by the most gorgeous of shallow turquoise water. I hope to share some of my photos of Exuma in the coming days and weeks.

While in Exuma, we stayed at the Grand Isle Resort & Villas. And many people will like it here. Our three-bedroom villa had everything you could ever want: a huge kitchen and breakfast bar, good (not great wifi), Netflix — don’t try to get your older relatives into Orange is The New Black —  and comfortable beds and linens.

There were a few things that niggled at me though for the price we were paying at this resort. Firstly, the stairs in the villa were poorly constructed. I should have taken photos with a ruler. The steps were really uneven, which was made all the more terrible because my mother has some motor control issues. I didn’t like her on these stairs. Secondly, the wifi didn’t cover my bedroom, which as I hope you can imagine, was supremely annoying for someone like me. And thirdly, we had this very odd incident with our boat tour and I still don’t understand how it happened.

When we checked in, the resort confirmed that on Tuesday morning, Exuma Water Sports would pick us up at 8:30 am. I have a typed confirmation that says this. Imagine our surprise on Tuesday morning when we get a call from the front desk at 8 am. “The bus is here!” So we all run out and get on the bus and in the process, we are super apologetic and show everyone how our paperwork says 8:30.

The bus drops us off at the office for the tour. Only problem? IT’S THE WRONG TOUR. This is an all day tour with another outfit. So we were put on the wrong bus — why they let us on, I don’t know — and we ended up in the wrong place.

In the end, it all worked out, but as the responsible party in the group, I was a little more than stressed. Add 90 degrees and super sunshine, and this is all a bad scene.

So…would I stay at this resort again? Hmmm. Not sure. Would I go to Exuma again? Hmmm…not sure. Although maybe I would go back if I could live on a boat and float on the endlessly turquoise water. Abaco to me is more of a sure thing. I loved the Abaco Club at Winding Bay — enough to go back and I never go back to anywhere — and I loved going into Hope Town and zipping around on a golf cart and eating ALL THE FRIED CONCH. So right now, that’s my vote. Abaco, not Exuma. But please feel free to change my mind!!

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I took the family to the Bahamas over Easter. I owed them. And you know when you don’t really know what you’re doing but you do it and it turns out amazingly well? That’s what happened.

We took a little puddle jumper (Silver Airways) from West Palm Beach, Florida to Marsh Harbour in the Bahamas.  Only one flight attendant so the pilots would say things like “Kate, please be seated.” The water as we approached the Bahamas was crystal green and blue and turquoise.

I rented a house in the Bahamas, at the Abaco Club at Winding Bay. It was nicer than my house, my mother’s house, and my aunt and uncle’s house.

The view was tremendous. Obviously, the house was not in the bay. But really, this is what we looked at all day long.

I hired a private chef one night. My uncle said, “The only people who have ever cooked for me are my wife, my mother, my sister, and The Colonel.” We ate a lot of stone crab. A LOT of stone crab.

We spent an afternoon in Hope Town. It was beautiful. Sleepy. Perfect.

We took a golf cart (!!!) to Firefly while we were in Hope Town. We sat on bar stools overlooking the turquoise bay, and we clogged our arteries slowly.

We took one last photo before we boarded the Hope Town ferry, of a gorgeous beach with no human in sight. Sunshine and turquoise water…amazing what they can do.

The Verdict: I will be the first to say that I am not a fan of Nassau or Freeport in the  Bahamas. Too many t-shirt shops and sunburned tourists with unfortunate braids in their hair. But I loved Hope Town and I LOVED the Abaco Club at Winding Bay. If you’re looking to unplug, you should GO. Note that the Abaco Club is about 18 miles from civilization and you will need to stock up on provisions before arriving (or have the resort stock up for you, as we did). But sometimes, being 18 miles from civilization is just what you need.

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We took the Bahamas Celebration from West Palm Beach to Freeport. It was fine. If you appreciate the finer things in life, I wouldn’t really recommend it. But if you’re on a budget and you like to gamble and stuff yourself silly and you don’t need to rest your head on a nice pillow at the end of the day, it will do. Warning: the elevators on board are SLOW.

While we were in the Bahamas, we stayed at the Grand Lucaya resort. It too was fine. Not great, just fine. People who don’t stay in hotels a lot would probably think this is just dandy. We weren’t there to hang out in our rooms though. We were there for some SUN and the BEACH and because my Aunt Ursula didn’t want to cook Christmas dinner.

The beach at the Grand Lucaya was pretty awesome. In hindsight, I should have spent more time in the water. The temperature was perfect and it was so clear and gorgeous.

We rented a boat one night and had the captain take us up and down the canals. There are a lot of canals. This was fun until it got dark and we were out on the ocean and the boat lost an engine and something went wrong with the steering and there were no running lights on the boat. Thank god for the Flashlight app on my iPhone.

Fun Fact! Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3 were filmed in the Bahamas. Apparently Johnny Depp doesn’t drink much, but he does like to smoke up.

We at at Sabor at Pelican Bay twice while we were in Port Lucaya. I LOVED the conch fritters. I would recommend Sabor. Good food, friendly service. Nice view of the marina.

I made a video of the ocean one day. It sounds windier than it was. I forget how much I miss salt water and waves. During the afternoons, we would play dominoes and Rummi Cubes at the edge of the beach, with the waves crashing in the background. That was nice.

Between rounds of dominoes, we took a couple of spins around Port Lucaya each day. I would love to say I loved it, but it was full of a lot of touristy crap than made me fret about the fate of mankind.

One night, we had dinner at Luciano’s. It was expensive, and only okay. Another night, we had dinner at Agave. It was good–not great, but I can imagine if you don’t eat out much, you’d be happy here. Especially with a few happy hour mojitos under your belt. Yes.

The day we left, we had lunch at Banana Bay. And although I LOVED the atmosphere and the view big time, the food was just so very, very disappointing. It made me want to buy the place and bring the kitchen up to scratch.

I’m sorry if I sound so grouchy when I was in the BAHAMAS of all places. This was a family vacation, so I was a bit limited in terms of budget and options. So in that sense, this worked out just fine. And heck. At the end of the day, all I really wanted was this view anyhow!

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